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A match made in cyberspace
Harrisburg couple among online dating success stories
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Published: February 14, 2010
Harrisburg residents Joseph Depa III and his wife of three years, Michele Farkas-Depa, met on July 6, 2004, under circumstances which may seem unusual, even risky, to some. But finding true love sometimes involves risk.
Joseph had just moved to a new town in New Jersey, and recently ended a relationship.
"I decided I was ready to start dating again," he said.
Joseph could have tried the standard ways to meet people, bar-hopping, talking to someone at the gym or bumping into someone at the grocery store. Instead, he took a chance on something different.
"I decided to go online and see what online dating had to offer," he said.
He had tried Match.com before, but just a couple times, and the women he was matched with were mostly "meet and greets." He never took it too seriously.
A lot of his friends were married, and he dreaded being the single friend they wanted to fix up.
"There were a couple people in the office doing it," Joseph said of the online dating world. "You get a profile. You know what they do and what their interests are. You can compare it to yourself, and if it isn't of interest, you can move on."
The road was not always smooth for Joseph, but that didn't stop him from continuing his search.
"If one doesn't work out, you can always go and search out — I hate to say it, — 'your perfect match.' If it isn't that person, there is obviously someone else," he said.
Michele had just moved back to New Jersey from Boston.
The dating prospects back in New Jersey were not what she had hoped.
"I wasn't sure I wanted to go to a bar to meet someone," Michele said. "I had heard a buzz about Match.com."
Even though she was nervous, Michele decided to give it a try, but made the decision not to tell family and friends she was using an online dating service. She was nervous about what they would think.
"I wasn't brave enough to tell anyone I was online dating," she said. "I never thought I would meet my husband online."
Michele admits to being a more traditional person, and she thought her family would think this type of dating was too modern.
"I also didn't want them thinking I couldn't find someone in a local circle," Michele said.
The one person she did reveal her plans to was her brother. He met his wife in an online chat room, so Michele felt secure giving him a "heads up" about her plans.
Online dating is faith-based, Michelle explained — faith that the information in the profiles is true and that the people are honest.
"I was always worried about them telling the truth. I was always very careful because you never knew who you were meeting," Michele said. "I met some real mean people. You thought they were nice, but they ended up being mean."
She usually drove to the dates and met in public places for safety.
When Joseph and Michele found each other online, they spent time talking on the phone and e-mailing before they met in person.
"My wife never liked talking on the phone with someone she didn't know, but our first conversation was three or four hours," Joseph said.
They found they had a lot in common, but at their first meeting, Michele still had some concerns.
She was 10 minutes late and sat in her car debating whether to go through with the date.
"I said, 'OK, Michele either it's now or never.' So I went up, and he was standing outside the café," Michele said. "That's actually where I tell everyone we met. There he was with this magnificent smile.
It was definitely the most comforting moment of all moments to see his smile, and he gave me a hug. I got a bit of that 'warm and fuzzy' inside."
The couple dated for a couple of years, and on Joseph's birthday in 2006, they took a trip to their favorite city, Boston, where he proposed.
It wasn't until the couple's wedding that Michele's family found out she met Joseph online.
Joseph mentioned the meeting in the wedding toast, thinking they all knew.
Michele just covered her face with her hands, and the crowd nervously laughed.
"It was a complete shock to them," Joseph said.
Online dating has become much more acceptable. Convenience and ease attracts people to online dating, Joseph said, and it eliminates the fear of just meeting someone for the first time and striking up a conversation.
"This way you can look at their interests, they can look at your interests to see if it's compatible. If it doesn't work, then you haven't invested the time where you are going to be broken-hearted," he said.
Joseph and Michele went to a friend's wedding while they were dating and sat at a table with five other couples.
"All five couples had met online," Joseph said. "Two were married, two were engaged, and we were dating at the time," Joseph said.
The couple believes Valentine's Day should be celebrated all year long.
"We cook each other dinner. There are no gifts," Joseph said.
Theirs is a modern love story with a happy ending.
They are now the parents of twin daughters, 17 months old, and Valentine's Day is a family affair.
Their best advice for those starting to online date is don't be afraid.
"It's not like it was when it started, a complete nightmare with only creeps and weirdos on the Internet," Joseph said. "That's not true anymore. It's now widely accepted."
• Contact reporter Robin L. Gardner: 704-789-9140
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